Semblances, Remnant's Biggest Mistakes
by Satella's Love
Summary: Not much is known about semblances used in the everyday life of hunters yet still they remain forces of mystery, this is to be a collection of oneshots centred around the wacky absurdness of different semblances! Number 1, Jaune can switch bodies! Now no one is safe from his unchecked power hungry rampage. Prologue is skippable.
1. Body Snatcher

**A/N: I think I'm high on Hyde ;P Inside jokes aside, this has been a WIP for a while, almost gave up on it but I pulled through in the end! I'm pretty sure that this qualifies as a crack!fic... Forgive the weird English as I have an issue with my tenses... Pretty embarrassed that I had to search up the ship name for Weiss and Pyrrha which exists for some reason (Schneekos).**

 **I don't own RWBY!**

* * *

 **Prologue (Start)**

Semblances; the lifeblood of Hunters and Huntresses, they are the super awesome powers that give Remnant's heroes some extra spunk. Well, spunk and generally explosions. There is just one question that stands out from the numerous questions Semblance Specialists ask about Semblances, what is the pattern to Semblances? As there always was in matters concerning the foundation of civilisation, all four Kingdoms rushed to solve this age old conundrum, however, to this very day, not one Kingdom has been successful. In fact, due to demoralization and… explosions… most Kingdoms decided to stop their pursuit of this mystery.

Atlas, after many years of rigorous experimenting lost all creativity turning most of them into zombies and one Semblance Specialist literally walked into a dead end, they failed. Vale, um, let us just say that Vale _tried,_ and failed, spectacularly. Vacuo's research was stolen by some unknown monkey faunus who used it to put out the fire on his tail, needless to say, they also failed. Mistral, somehow blew up their research facility. Only the employee's staffroom and pool was left, coincidentally all the staff were in one of the two so there were no casualties, they failed but at least they did slightly better compared to Vale.

Super speed, polarity, Glyphs, lightning absorption, kinetic absorption, imitation of other Semblances, telekinesis, animal transformation, at first glance it would seem that the Semblances were simply the usual superhero powers. Strangely, this is not the case, in a survey of the Hunters and Huntresses of Vale and Atlas, 80% had random and occasionally unhelpful Semblances. Only one thing was confirmed about Semblances during these trials, no two Semblances are the same. Each and every Semblance is unique.

Another piece of information, mostly confirmed, is that Semblances are manifestations of one's own soul, it is Aura but in a more outlined form. Therefore, hypothetically speaking, if one's soul was envious of others, that person could take over or swap bodies and Semblances with another, all of this of course is purely theoretical.

So, what does this mean? It means that Jaune Arc's mystery Semblance could be a typical movie trope. The good ol' body switching trope.

 **Prolouge (End)**

* * *

"So, Pyrrha, I was just wondering, since you just unlocked my Aura like a couple hours ago… And I'm now the team leader… Which is a huge responsibility… And with responsibility comes power… But knowledge is needed to utilise power… Knowledge on things like Aura…" Jaune trailed off, obviously anticipating her answer.

"You want me to teach you more?"

His response was the immediate, "Yes sempai!" Followed by denial, "Wait! I-I don't need help… This is just me testing out my new partner's knowledge, and stuff…"

Pyrrha sighed, a small smile edging onto her mouth, "Well, with Aura," Jaune sat down on his bed and eagerly nodded at her, channelling his inner excited kitten, "You can shape it. Turn it into a different force, this is the manifestation of your soul, your very being, your Semblance."

They say that Jaune's grin grew three times its size that day, "What's mine?! Is it super strength?!" He flexed his sorrowful excuse of an arm, and Pyrrha nervously chuckled, "Ah, I don't know... Let's think realistically shall we?"

Jaune's simple brain did not even process the indirect insult, "Okay, so how do I find out what my Semblance is?"

"Well, there is no sure way of finding it out, as it is we barely know anything about Semblances. However, if-"

"What's yours?" He queried a bout of curiosity overtaking him.

She blinked, "Polarity?"

He quizzically looked at her, "You don't know?"

Pyrrha's face heated up, "Of course, I know! I-You just caught me off guard. Now then back t-"

"Give me a demo!" The little ki –Oh, sorry, looks like that is actually Jaune– excitably shouted.

Pyrrha shrugged, "Okay."

She epically raised her right arm, fingers reaching for Jaune's Crocea Mors despite a good meter spanning between them. With naught but a spark of concentration, the limit of space was crossed, his sword flew out of its sheath and stabilised in the air between them. Pyrrha made it spin in circles, and stab imaginary Grimm.

"O. M. G.!" Jaune squealed, "Your Semblance is SO COOL!" He put on his puppy dog eyes, "Can I have it?"

"What!? Jaune you canno- I mean- What?!" Pyrrha sighed, she was getting to old for this, and it had only been roughly two days… Was it too late to get Weiss as a partner? Heck, even Nora would do, though Pyrrha would have to learn how to make pancakes.

"Is that a yes?"

"No!"

Jaune crumbled, his weeping form lay on the floor. Curled up in a protective position his cries to the unjust world he lived in were voiced by a whiny voice. His head was destined to be hit by the door when Nora Valkyrie entered with the stealth and noise of a bomb. It was the unjust world he lived in replying to his woeful pleas.

"OW!"

"Jaune, uh, what I mean is you can't just have my Semblance, you have your own, that just isn't the way Semblances work." Pyrrha hastily amended, missing the fact that Jaune was a little preoccupied with his bleeding nose.

Jaune frowned, "So, the best way to figure it out is to concentrate really hard, and you should feel a sensation within you, something powerful, pull on it, and use it." Pyrrha hurriedly effused, worried her dialogue would be once more ignored.

"Wait, are you guys trying to learn how to use Jaune's Semblance?" Nora shouted, alerting all of Beacon that a fraud lay among them dressed in a sickly lamb's skin. The lamb in question yelped and bleated, "Nora! Now everyone knows!"

"Nora, it isn't nice to shout out Jaune's secrets." Ren calmly lectured Nora from behind Jaune,

"ARGGH!" Jaune made the sound of a strangled chicken, "How- What? When?"

"Where there is a Nora there is a Ren." Ren's eyes screamed 'IT IS AGAINST MY WILL! HELP!' with the tranquillity of a tree that did not disclose his inner agony, he turned to Pyrrha, "Do you need help teaching Jaune?"

Pyrrha smiled, "Your services would be appreciated."

"Aww man, Pyrrha's got such a cool Semblance, I wish I had Pyrrha's."

Before anyone could even blink, or in Nora's case ask Ren to make pancakes, Jaune's Semblance was used.

* * *

The atmosphere of the room felt off, something was wrong. Just a moment ago team JNPR was getting into an engaging conversation, now all was still and quiet. Puzzled, Ren's eyes scanned the area searching for clues, unfortunately, he would never be able to figure out what was wrong by himself, Jaune did that for him.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! I'M A GIRL!"

* * *

"Okay, everyone we just need to calm down. We can figure this out if we just think." Pyrrha's voice rang out.

Everyone's eyes were trained on Jaune's mouth, "Pyrrha is Jaune?" Nora questioned before her brain combusted.

"NORA'S DOWN! I REPEAT NORA IS DOWN! WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE MUSCLES!?" Jaune screamed, his soul apparently trapped in Pyrrha's body, his panicked cries were silenced only by his accidental and humorous run in with the door. Pun intended.

Ren was staring cross-eyed at ladybug that had landed on his nose, internally repeating his mantra for situations like the current, 'Find peace, find your centre, and focus then you will achieve calmness. Yes, just like this ladybug you will calmly face this. You will not run aw-' the ladybug fluttered its wings, taking it far away from the bedlam presently occurring.

"Ladybug!" Ren's attempt to appeal to the now long gone ladybug was fruitless, no one would stay to witness the unfolding pandemonium. Ren was alone in his burden.

Nora who had recovered from her earlier breakdown inched towards the fridge where Ren kept the Emergency Frozen Pancakes, your two friends suddenly switching bodies definitely counted as an emergency. Reaching inside she latched onto a stack-"Ow! Freezer burn!"

"OKAY! EVERYONE STOP PANICKING!" Pyrrha yelled attempting to get her team under control and figure out why she suddenly felt so weak and frail, like a harmless kitten that had the sniffles, "I'm sure that there is a perfectly logical explanation as to why Jaune and I have swapped minds."

BOOM!

The door to team JNPR's dormitory was blown apart by the combined forces of team RWBY, they all stood with their weapons at the ready, panting like they had just run from the other side of the school, which they had.

"Uh, guys? What are you-"

"Where's the enemy?! Is it Grimm?! Roman Torchwick?!" Ruby yelled.

"Wait, if Ruby's here, does that mean that someone else just happened to say our attack names?" Blake asked, everyone's gaze swivelled over to Nora and Ren.

"Ugh, Ruby I told you they were bad names!" Weiss whined putting away her weapon.

"Well, at least I didn't suggest something as boring as 'combination one' and 'combination two'" Ruby retorted, getting into the fight.

Weiss' ears reddened and her cheeks blushed, "S-shut up you dolt! It's efficient!"

"Um, guys? Jaune's totally using Pyrrha's polarity right now…" Ren pointed out.

"Hehehe, now Weiss' rapier is mine! If you want it back you have to kiss me!" Jaune said using his newfound stolen power over magnets to propel Weiss' weapon to him.

Team RWBY's jaws collectively dropped, in the back of her head Yang could hear a faint chant, "Schneekos! Schneekos! Schneekos!"

"P-pyrrha! I um, didn't know you felt that way about me, b-but um, I-I don't feel the same way, uh, I hope we can still be friends?" Weiss offered completely mortified, in a lower voice directed at her teammates she begged, "Someone help me!"

"Well this is unexpected."

"Amen Blake, amen. Well, I guess it's kudos to Pyrrha for confessing in front of all of us, that takes real coura-"

"No!" Everyone looked at Jaune, Ren and Nora simultaneously dipped their hands into a bucket of popcorn, "I-I mean!"

Yang whistled, "Wow, Jaune's finally going to confess _his_ feelings... Wait, he always does that."

"This is better than Ninjas of Love."

"No! I don't feel that way about you Weiss!" Pyrrha blurted, her hands on Weiss' shoulders, momentarily forgetting that everyone except for Ren and Nora thought that she _was_ Jaune.

"Excuse me?" Weiss asked half offended, half confused, what happened to all of the times Jaune would stupidly assume he was in her league?

"But I do!" Shouted Jaune, "I love you snow angel! Darn, if only I had my guitar I could play you that song I wrote."

"Wait, Pyrrha has a guitar?" Ruby asked.

"No! Pyrrha does not love Weiss!" Pyrrha desperately said, shaking Weiss hoping to somehow convince the others that Pyrrha and Weiss were not a thing.

"Don't listen to her! I love you Weiss!" Jaune plead, "Please! I know you've rejected me a lot, but now I have muscles, hell I have this really cool Semblance! I know this might be too soon but," Pyrrha's body got down onto one knee, "will you marry me?"

Weiss' brain overheated and she fainted, Ruby numbly caught her.

"What the hell is happening?"-Blake and Yang 2017.

"WHO GAVE HIM A RING?! HOW DID HE GET A RING?!" Pyrrha shrieked having lost any surviving shreds of dignity, sanity and hope.

* * *

Ozpin took a long sip of his coffee, because somewhere in Beacon he could feel chaos stirring.

He could also hear it.

From what he could gather Nora Valkyrie was downed, in battle perhaps, Jaune Arc had miraculously acquired muscles, people were panicking, there was an enemy, someone didn't 'feel that way' about Weiss, someone totally 'felt that way' about Weiss, Pyrrha Nikos loves Weiss Schnee (that is quite the curve ball), and someone has a ring.

Chaos.

To better understand this chaos, Ozpin took to putting together his own narrative from the pieces of information he had and what he came up with was truly frightening.

Jaune Arc had acquired muscles and defeated Nora Valkyrie in battle, the rest of his team and presumably team RWBY began panicking. Jaune gave them some final moments before he killed them and feeling it was the right time Ruby Rose probably admitted to Weiss how she fell in love at first sight, everyone saw that coming. (#WhiteRose) While Blake also admitted how she felt that Weiss was an insufferable bratty child, (#MonochromeShipHasSank) but then receded her earlier statement instead also professing her love, (#MonochromeStillAfloat) Then Pyrrha Nikos admitted her affections for Weiss, (#Schneekos), and Professor Port said it was unrealistic. Then in a sudden twist Weiss proposed to herself!

Yes, Ozpin's version of events were the only possible outcome.

"Ozpin!" Startled, said man spilt his coffee all over his newly dry cleaned shirt, "These kids are driving me mad, I'm going to go _silence_ them," Glynda's demeanour took a dark and rather scary tone, "so I'll need you to look after my lessons." Ozpin could hear Glynda muttering about it only being noon.

When she was out of sight, Ozpin shuddered and felt a miniscule amount of pity for the innocent and naïve students that stood in Glynda's way. 'Sometimes', Ozpin thought to himself, 'the real monster is the one that wields a riding crop and has a formidable gaze that promises much more than a few measly detentions.'

* * *

"Okay, okay, so this is just Jaune in Pyrrha's body trying his usual smooth talk." Ruby clarified still holding the unconscious Weiss.

"Yes!" Pyrrha gratefully exclaimed.

"Oh, thank god."

Blake sat on Ren's bed with Yang as they watched the teen drama slowly getting back under control. Ren and Nora were sitting on the same bed holding up flags rooting for Pyrrha, prompting Yang to out of nowhere brandish a Jaune flag, "Us blondes have to stick together!"

"I do not love Weiss!" Pyrrha exclaimed throwing a pillow at their general area, her usual niceness replaced by a monster like persona. Unfortunately, the pillow hit innocent bystander Blake.

The cause of the entire mess was curiously staring at Ruby, "Uh, Jaune what are you doing?"

He smiled, a creepy look on Pyrrha's face, "Hey, Ruby, your Semblance is pretty cool," Everyone's face paled already realising what Jaune would say, Ruby whispered a muted and horrified "No."

His hands splayed to the gods, a crazy light entering his eyes, Jaune Arc began his fun, "I want Ruby Rose's Semblance!"

"I have made a grave mistake." The repercussions of teaching Jaune about Semblances finally hitting Pyrrha right in the face.

But astonishingly nothing happened, Ruby didn't suddenly sound like Jaune, and Jaune was still in Pyrrha's form. Jaune wilted, his deranged smile diminishing and warping into a disappointed frown. The type a child would get when they realised that their parents would not buy them the newest scroll. He immediately stopped frowning however when he found it physically hurt him to contort his mouth muscles in anything but a smile. Damn Pyrrha's niceness, she literally never frowned.

Pyrrha's shoulders sagged in relief when she realised what had happened, "I think that I now have the body switching Semblance, after all Jaune could use my polarity…"

Jaune jumped at Pyrrha, "USE IT!" He screamed.

It was rather jarring to see her own body jumping and yelling at her, years of training could hardly prepare her for the ludicrous sight of her body yelling at her. So dishevelled was she that Pyrrha used the ridiculous Semblance, "I want my body back!" She gushed.

* * *

"Urgh, I sort of feel sick." Said Jaune's body with the voice of Jaune. His dizziness and vertigo subsided quickly replaced with the realisation he could once more steal the unwitting bodies of others. His excitement increased when he found the perfect target for his Semblance.

"Nora! If I swap bodies with you, you can terrorise others! And cause general confusion and chaos!"

Nora jumped up knocking over Ren in the process, "You lost me at chaos!"

Jaune smiled, yes this was what teammates, no, friends were like. When he had come to Beacon Academy Jaune had but one dream in his mind, he would fight baddies with his awesome friends, save the world and get the girl! It seems that a part of his quest had been completed, for he had found his brethren on this battlefield of Semblances. Nora Valkyrie, yes she was indeed a good friend. One who truly understood him and his needs.

"Oh, great gods! For it is not in passing do we achieve immortality but in the act of taking others Semblances! I wish I had Nora's Semblance!" Jaune Arc shouted to the heavens, a fanatical light filling his eyes.

Appeased by his worship, the gods granted Jaune Arc his request and the world became slightly crazier.

"Huh, I suddenly feel weaker…" Nora said as she inspected her new body and all of its faults.

"SMASHY SMASH TIME!" Jaune screamed, running towards the window, "I just need to get struck by lightning right?" With that final question, to the horror of everyone except Nora and the unconscious Weiss, he nonchalantly leapt out of the building screeching the lyrics of "I believe I can fly!"

BOOM!

The poor door of Team JNPR's room had never faced so much abuse, it was seriously considering switching work areas. Kids these days were so violent.

"What is the meaning of all this hullaballoo?!" Ms Goodwitch asked in her I'm-very-angry-but-quiet voice.

Ruby took that opportunity to safely escort her and Weiss out of the mayhem, in an act of pity she yelled on her way out a warning to be heeded, "Run while you can!"

And so in a swirl of rose petals she was gone leaving behind a befuddled teacher and a betrayed sister. Along with an uncaring Blake and a probably traumatised Ren. Pyrrha found herself wishing she knew where she had gone wrong, in some past life she must have been an arsonist who kicked puppies, that was the only explanation for the bad karma hitting her like a truck.

Maybe if she closed her eyes and counted to ten she'd wake up and realise that this was all some horrible, horrible dream?

 **A/N: I feel like I should expand on this and patch stuff up but I'm too lazy... Eh, later... Would like to point out not all of these will be on Jaune's semblance it'll be on whoever I think has the best comedic value.**


	2. Mario Kart Meltdown

**Not as good as the previous one, but eh.**

* * *

Screams littered the blood red night sky only to be cut off by Grimm who viciously devoured any and all survivors desperately pleading for help. Gunfire painted beautiful sculptures of corpse parties. Thanks to both Grimm and hijacked Atlas robots; gory body parts were strewn all over streets drenched in blood. Huge, looming airships crashed and burned into buildings. Despair was unmistakeable. Fear was a killer. Misery was served to all. And hope was nowhere to be seen.

Chaos and carnage rampantly wreaked havoc upon the once clean streets of Vale.

This was her hour.

If only she could live forever in this picture of absolute horror. While she couldn't capture the moment, there was something else far more enticing.

"It's such a shame, my dear." She took eerie delight in drawing out her pause, "You were promised a power that never belonged to you." Her eyes flashed gold and red, mirroring the fires which she had set ablaze.

Yes, this girl – Pyrrha Nikos, she was the beginning, the beginning of the end. Soon, the entire world would be kneeling at her feet just like the poor, little, helpless, hero before her. Now would have been the perfect time to cackle but Cinder Fall was not one of those dime-a-dozen 'villains' with schemes to take over the world. So, she refrained and instead settled for reading her bow.

Pulling back the drawstrings she could feel the- what was that?

Some abhorrent happy-go-lucky music was blaring from somewhere close to the base of the tower. Unfortunately, it seemed to be getting progressively louder. Cinder narrowed her eyes, and took five calming breaths just like her psychiatrist said she should. Then, she threw all of that out of the window and into the incinerator because the damn music was still playing!

Was this some sick joke?

What kind of insane madwoman would knowingly destroy this perfectly evil moment?

She could feel her irritation boiling beneath her skin, this was supposed to be her moment. Her hour. Instead, someone's stupid music was preventing her from enjoying anything! All her hard work and meticulous planning would _not_ go to waste.

"ARGH!" Cinder screamed, tossing away her powered-up bow, in favour of twin fire balls.

Someone was about to pay.

She stalked over to the tilted elevator from which the infernal music seemed to be playing and peered menacingly down the chute.

Whack!

Cinder flew through the air, sailing past a very, very confused yet grateful Pyrrha Nikos and crashed into one of the few remaining walls, which promptly burst into flames and crumbled to cinders.

Standing in the wreckage of the ruined elevator was none other than; a rainbow coloured Ruby Rose?

Sparkles materialised from air and seemed to hang around her shoulders only to disappear when they landed on the ground. Her entire body was covered in the famous striped colours of the rainbow which seemed to be constantly shifting into another colour. A voiceless tune was emitting from her. She seemed to be a walking version of the 'star' power-up from Mario Kart, an infuriating semblance, nothing more, nothing less.

She was still doomed without a hope in this wrecked world, Cinder would crush her easily and take great pleasure in ending the torturous squeals THAT WERE SO, SO GODDAM LOUD.

"How could you?" Her voice cut through the apprehension that shrouded the air, "Cinder!" the dazed woman in question pulled her mouth into a scowl, "I-I thought we were friends!"

Cinder laughed.

"Friends?! Don't you get it?" She hissed, mouth forming a smug smirk, "It was all a lie. And now, I'm going to kill you, kill your friends and take the power that belongs to me. No one," Her voice boomed, disillusioning Ruby from her terror, "is going to save you. Ozpin's dead and soon the Grimm will have over run this pathetic city."

Ruby frowned, deploying Crescent Rose into scythe form, she muttered one final mercy, "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, I know," Cinder savoured the delicious words, "but I want to."

* * *

Boom!

The last remaining wall shattered as Cinder was thrown into it.

 _What was happening?_

The fight had started off disastrously, after throwing her fireballs at Ruby, and pulling out her daggers, she was met with the wonderful sight of both of her fireballs hitting the defenceless girl. That happiness was soon soured with the revelation that she seemed immune to fire. The fireballs dissipated into the air leaving behind only a sizzling sound which was drowned out by the freaking music which was still shrieking.

After that, Cinder never seemed to stand a chance. Ruby's scythe which was also covered in bloody rainbows was impervious to every attack. Cinder could only watch as she was thrown like a ragdoll from place to place desperately trying to salvage a victory out if the ashes of her imminent defeat.

No! No! No!

This was supposed to be her day!

The moment everything paid off!

No.

She stumbled into a fighting stance, if nothing else, she would at least claim the maiden's powers for herself. Yelling a hoarse battle cry, Cinder sprinted towards Ruby seemingly deciding to try a direct attack. Ruby shook her head and manoeuvred her scythe so that it was in an offensive position, with the barrel of the gun facing Cinder.

Cinder was just about three meters from Ruby, when Ruby fired her first shot, confident it would be a direct hit. Unfortunately for Ruby, Cinder jumped up and above her, completely dodging her death. Landing behind the shimmering Ruby, Cinder continued to charge ahead, her target was sitting down, attempting to staunch the wound in her foot.

Cinder may never be able to touch the monster that was Ruby Rose. But she was still going to get her maiden powers, even if it meant strategically retreating. She'd take whatever she could, no matter the cost.

Pyrrha was still looking at her ankle when Ruby yelled out her warning, "Look out!"

Time seemed to slow as Pyrrha's eyes widened suddenly all too aware of the danger Cinder's daggers posed.

Yes!

Her hand was dragging the dagger down towards Pyrrha's heart.

The sweet, sweet taste of victory – even if it was only partial, was flooding her senses.

Wait.

Wait, no!

No!

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!

Just as Cinder's knife was piercing Pyrrha's skin, out of nowhere, a conspicuous red turtle-like shell had magically appeared in the place of Pyrrha. Cinder's knife made a 'clunk' sound and bounced of the shell.

Sobbing, Cinder gave up.

Curse Ruby Rose!

Curse Pyrrha Nikos!

Curse their ridiuclous semblances!

And most of all, curse the fricking world of Remnant for just existing!

* * *

Below the site of Cinder's crushing defeat, Jaune Arc ran around squirting a squid in the face of his enemies, Nora Valkyrie was electrocuting Grimm by creating tiny thunderclouds which followed them around and Sun Wukong was materialising banana peels out of nowhere for members of the White Fang to trip on.

Another win for team Mario Kart.

* * *

 **Cinder's last words before being locked up for good were 'Please, just stop the music, anything but the music.'**


End file.
